What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Terrible idea I love it
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
