Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
