Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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