Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
