WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
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