I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
