So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
