Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize