your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
