Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Congratulations! We have a period
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
