Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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