they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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