Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
