i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
