I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
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i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
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Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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