im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
