i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
