I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
