the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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