Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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