if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I checked into jail on foursquare
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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