I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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