I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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