just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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