My friends, they love my intelligence
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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