There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
