he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
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