a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
