I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
