If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
