Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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