I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
