I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
