I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
