Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
