I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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