i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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