he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
This house was built for laser tag.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
