please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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