his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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