loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
