THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
