I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
There's even glitter on my cock...
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