Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
