I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
