I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
