Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
that is very illegal...i love you.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
