Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
we should paint friendship bongs
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
