Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
