Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Randomize
