Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
