Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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