Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
