I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
