he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
pray to the hookup gods
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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