I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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