I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
