I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
