I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
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I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
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I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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