I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
