idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
