She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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