mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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