the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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