great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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