yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
