at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize