Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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