is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i just had sex bonerless
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
