this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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