Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Someone stole a lamp last night.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
