I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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