Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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