I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
