Can i not drive my cunt home
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
