it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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