your thong is hanging out like whoa
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
