so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
