Reggie can tackle my bush.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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