i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
