They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
