Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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