Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
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