i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
