how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
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