He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
