It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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