hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
