we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
