Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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