what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
